I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
