The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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