between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it was like eating out sand paper
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You dont lie about slip and slides
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
