Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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