she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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