I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
time to smoke my breakfast
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
