last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
