I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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