so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
