Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
