I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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