this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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