I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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