Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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