How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
