So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
