I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
