Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
