I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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