She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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