there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
