chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
