i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
