Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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