dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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