she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize