dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
