Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
