positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
