so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
