I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
the liver wants what the liver wants
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
