Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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