The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize