and you said cock pushups were impossible
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
