who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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