I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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