His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
