You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
They are going to name an STD after you.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
