You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
