The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
im holly from the hills drunk
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
