dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
