I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
