ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
