he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
