I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
