screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
