There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
