I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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