hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
