Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
