In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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