She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
