I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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