wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize