Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
