That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
