I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
