i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
