Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
