6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
