It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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