Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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