My sheets look like a crime scene.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
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