I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
