Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
