John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
