Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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