when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
