the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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