pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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