We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
