so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
