There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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