Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The police scanner is talking about you again....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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