Moan for me like Helen Keller
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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