So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
