she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
