i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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