My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Green mimosas i think yes
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The feeling are messing with the penis
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
