Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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