Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
