glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
