"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Life is so much better after having sex.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
