Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
