she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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