and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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