The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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