she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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